"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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