One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
