I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Operation Purity has been aborted
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Randomize
