New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
