you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
