Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
