Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
