Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
