my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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