It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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