I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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