This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize