My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
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