I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
