Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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