You just made me feel so damn special
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
