he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
