I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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