I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
