she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
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