i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
