Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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