I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
