I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
