It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
