Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
