My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
