yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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