So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
this must be what syphilis tastes like
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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