I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
