a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I just sucked dick on a ferry
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
