I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
