Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
It's no shave November. This is our time.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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