Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
