I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
