i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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