Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
