Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I think people are normalizing furries
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
