Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Randomize