Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
