Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
