Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
