don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
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