Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
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