how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
