So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
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