She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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