its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
