I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
