just come out here and I will go home with you...
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
