What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
