Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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