this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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