My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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