I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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