The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Quick, to the slutcave!
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Randomize