then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
