Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Randomize
