what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
