well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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