If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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