singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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