Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
