yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
