I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
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