Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
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