No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
